I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
