Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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