and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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