before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
