he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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