My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
