oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
