My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
