Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize