i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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