My first STD was from a foam party
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
