final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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