Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
