On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
