No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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