would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
