You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
