Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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