he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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