Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
