Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
