morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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