Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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