Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
