I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
