just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You are the jesus of drinking
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
