I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
