evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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