onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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