I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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