There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
