dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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