At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
