how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The feeling are messing with the penis
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
