My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
