Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
