who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize