He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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