I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
