I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
