Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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