I cockslap morals
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
