You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
