Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
