There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
