I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
