So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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