Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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