Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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