Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
