i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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