Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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