...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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