I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
