why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
