i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize