I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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