It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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