my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
