We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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