He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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