I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
