So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
